Executive Director Dr. Dorothy Farrel shares her thoughts on the media trends as we close the chapter on 2018.
This past year has brought a surmountable blast from the media surrounding sexual assault from the #metoo movement, countless numbers of brave men and women reporting sexual assaults from people of power and of great stature, movie stars, politicians, athletes as victims and perpetrators. It has been refreshing, freeing, overwhelming, and daunting. As people are encouraged to find their voice, to have the courage to report crimes committed against them or others, to be heard, supported, and believed in there is also fear, justified and unfounded.
I recently read an article that talked about the Pence Effect the principle that men should not be alone with women with the fear of being accused of sexual assault, creating a widening gender segregation (Bloomberg, 2018). This was also brought up during the Kavanagh hearings from President Trump when he announced that “it is a scary time for the men” of our country. Women also express fear for men, I was recently presenting and a women stated that she feels sorry for men, and then compared men to the bull elk who can’t help themselves as the females trot around enticing them. As a professional I have found this troubling and divisive for our county.
If we look at the statistics these fears are not justified. Breaking down the numbers there are approximately 321,500 victims (12 and older) of rape and sexual assault a year in the US (US Dept of Justice, 2018). These are reported rapes, as it is also estimated that 77% of rapes are never reported to law enforcement (NCVS, 2018) and we need to also understand that sexual assault is the least likely of any crime to be reported. If we look at the numbers of false accusations of sexual assault it is estimated to be 2% and of those “false accusations” the FBI states that it doesn’t mean the assault did not occur but rather that legally it was not proven, which is usually as a result of fear from the victim from not reporting (CNN).
However, through all of this, as a mother, this fear for men is not something I have dismissed and have I have given great thought to these comments as a proud mother of two kind young men and a teenager daughter I wanted to understand how this messaging, these media driven fear tactics impact all of my children.
I want to encourage you not to live in fear of someone accusing you of someone but rather encourage you to always do the right thing.
Here is what I want you to know: In a world that is distraught with violence, I am proud of the kind men you have become. You are respectful and insightful men that make this world a better place to live in. In fact almost all the men I know are kind and respectful human beings. I also recognize that this world is complicated and not always easy and with the messaging that surrounds you from our leaders and media I want to encourage you not to live in fear of someone accusing you of someone but rather encourage you to always do the right thing. To be aware, thoughtful, and generous in all that you do. I want every person you encounter to feel safe, empowered, and joy in your presence.
My hope is that you find your voices to ensure that all people feel valued, understood, and heard.
I also want you to hear that the work I do is hard, sad, and important. The topic of sexual assault is not easy to talk about it and it is not something most people don’t want to think about or address, but we have to. We have to make this world a safer place for all people. I know the world often views me as this fierce and strong advocate for victims and women however this is misinterpreted. I am an advocate for all beings. Our culture makes sex and the violence that can accompany it as a man versus woman issue and this is where we go wrong. Men are not the bad guys, they are not “the problem” that simply cannot control themselves. Women are also not “the problem” based on what they drink or what they wear.
Men and Women who harass, assault, abuse, and rape are the problem.
It truly is just that simple and you, my sons, have nothing to fear.