SAVA Therapist Amy shares her thoughts on the truth of Talk Therapy.
Before I entered into the world of therapy, I had many preconceived notions about what it must look like to be a consumer of talk therapy. I pictured what I think many of us imagine- laying on a couch of a lavish therapy office, hashing out all of my deepest thoughts, fears, and shame, while a middle-aged man sits out of my line of vision- in some instances, smoking a cigar- prying slyly into my mind and my heart with deep and intentional questioning, and ultimately, arriving at the realization that my parents, were, in fact, the origin of all of my problems.
Sounds super Freudian, right? It is. And now that I’ve joined the ranks of northern Colorado therapists, I can speak to this: It’s just not accurate.
Whew. What a relief. Most talk therapy is nothing like that.
But what is it like? When I begin therapy with clients, I usually speak to the fact that for many of us, walking through that door into an initial therapy session can be petrifying. It’s both daunting and intensely courageous to share yourself and your traumas with a stranger, but the choice to do so also signifies the start of many positive changes in a client’s life. To debunk some of the myths that exist about what talk therapy looks like, I’ve compiled a list: My Top 5 Truths About Talk Therapy. My hope is that if you’re struggling- and you’re standing on the brink of considering walking into the therapy room for the first time, if not for the fears and hesitations around the vulnerability of it all- that this list will speak to you and answer some of the questions you may be afraid to ask. Here we go!
1) Prior to my education and experience as a professional counselor, I always had the impression that it was a therapist’s job to pull information out of clients, and to force them to talk about things they’re not necessarily ready to talk about. The reality is, the client should always be in control of what they share. Particularly in the world of trauma counseling, as we offer here at the SAVA Center, it is extremely important that the client feel empowered to make their own decisions and set their own pace about the information discussed in therapy. It is the therapist’s responsibility to facilitate building an environment that both encourages clients to dig deep and approach topics that may feel challenging or may push their comfort zone a bit, but also respects the client’s autonomy and welcomes healthy boundary setting in the therapy room.
It is very rarely appropriate for a therapist to tell anyone what to do.
2) I am a particularly strong-willed, independent individual. I can remember thinking about what therapy must be like as a young person, prior to any of my education or exposure, and having the really strong sensation that I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do, or to think they knew what was best for me. Now that I’m in the field of counseling, I realize that it is very rarely appropriate for a therapist to tell anyone what to do. More commonly, it is the responsibility of a therapist to help a client weigh their options and tap into their own strengths and intuition to arrive at a decision that is best for them. (Of course, exceptions to this rule exist, such as when health or safety are in jeopardy. In those instances, it may be a therapist’s role to implement more rigid instructions or recommendations.) But generally speaking, it is never a therapist’s role to boss you around. You are still in charge of you, and autonomy is so important.
3) Something I hear from a lot of clients is that they hesitate to engage in therapy because they don’t want to be labeled “crazy”. Society doesn’t make it easy to seek help for emotional matters, but let me tell you, seeking therapy is far from crazy. It’s actually one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself! Another belief that I’ve heard is that therapy is overly self-indulgent. And my response to that: What better way to indulge, than having a nonjudgmental, supportive, trustworthy confidante to help you sort out your struggles, brainstorm ways to heal, and implement new techniques that serve to simplify or improve your current lifestyle? If that’s self-indulgent, then sign me up! (And while we’re on the topic…. Many of us view therapy as self-care, which is entirely different from over-indulgence. Self-care is much more about taking care of ourselves, giving ourselves love, compassion and understanding. And it is necessary all the time!)
4) Sometimes, talk therapy can be a hefty financial commitment, and I think that sometimes this reality deters individuals who are struggling from seeking support. But it’s not always the case! Some community counseling centers, such as the SAVA Center, offer therapy services on an income-based sliding scale, which makes receiving services more possible for many people. My suggestion to anyone who may feel stuck financially: Call around, do some research, and gather some information before throwing in the towel on talk therapy. You may be surprised at what you can find! (Also, I would be remiss in not mentioning that most of the time, crisis hotlines are available 24/7, free of charge. While you will not receive traditional talk therapy on these hotlines, and they are not a substitute for the benefits of consistent talk therapy, they are certainly good sources of immediate support if you find yourself in crisis. A couple of hotlines you can access are SAVA’s Rape Crisis hotline (970-472-4200) and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800-273-8255).)
Society doesn’t make it easy to seek help for emotional matters, but let me tell you, seeking therapy is far from crazy.
5) Finally, I hear from many clients that one of the things that prevents them from walking in the door to begin talk therapy is a fear of being judged by the therapist. That’s why it is so incredibly important that you work to find the *right* therapist for you. Therapists are not a one-size-fits-all… not every therapist is going to be the best fit for you. And just because you begin the therapeutic process with one therapist, doesn’t mean that you are stuck in that relationship. Therapists want, just as badly as clients do, for the relationship to feel safe, supportive, and comfortable. If you’re considering seeking out a therapist, I recommend making two lists: The first, form a list of questions you may have for a therapist during the initial session, to help get to know them and their style. The second list may center around the qualities you’re seeking, or how you’ll know that the therapist is an ideal fit for you. The list-making might help you gain clarity about what you need in a therapeutic relationship in order to reap the greatest benefits. After all, your success, healing and happiness are the intended goal of therapy!
Therapy can be one of the greatest tools along the road to healing, but it’s not the only tool. As a therapist, I fully recognize that talk therapy isn’t always the right option, for every client, at all times. Other means of healing can include mindfulness and meditation, yoga, spirituality and/or prayer, writing, exercise, and countless other options. I encourage you to tap into your own intuition as you develop your own healing practice. The SAVA Center is always nearby if we can help you plan out or supplement your healing path in any way. Sending warm wishes and the best of luck on your journey!